Zhengyou's journal

Boxing day

2009-12-26T07:42:56Z

As a lazy blogger who always miss the big days by 24 hours, here's Merry Christmas to the entire world! And of course, christmas is always coupled with new year, (is that why we call it the holiday season?) so that just doubles whatever you get for 1 holiday! 2 countdowns, 2 parties, 2 times squeezing through whichever crowd at town (seriously, why wld we need any more people on this island?!) Not only is it draining all sorts of resources but also increasingly dangerous! Imagine a day when we have to evacuate the island or something, everyone will not be rushing to the causeway but to the petrol kiosks so that they have enough petrol to pass the checkpt regulations.

Christmas is a time for you to meet your loved ones and I'm really glad that my primary school bunch still choose to spend it at my place (Eve that is). Though as we grow older, we become more distinct from one another. When I just graduated from peiying, I thought I would never ever be able to find a circle of friends more similar to me than them. If you have to ask me now, sometimes I feel that the similarities can almost be numbered. Then again we always talk about personas; about reverting to a state of mind where we are still in our tens, reminding us of the little memories that holds us so strongly together. They are a great bunch and I still hope to see them coming to my place for xmas for one more 7 years, two more 7 years and so on.

Christmas proper has been a much more peaceful affair. I am not a christian so my family does not celebrate the ocassion. However, I am kinda lucky this year because there's a lot of leftovers from the eve party. I munched away more choc and waffers instead of having proper meal, well, once a year is alright I guess? (laughs)

At moments when history is written, I tend to ponder about many things. I always thought 2009 is the second last year of the decaded but then I realised the countdown to 2000 was way bigger (and more dreaded) than the countdown to 2001. I guess in a few days time we have to wave goodbye to the first decade of the millenium. So, what have you done? Are you where you thought you'd be 10 years ago? Have you accomplished what you set out to do?

Time for a resolution for the next decade.

I like those movie scenes where the director zooms across the globe and shows what people are doing at different parts of the world at the same time, during a distinguished moment (asteroid hitting earth, moon landing, something that is just common for our entire population) And I did a mini one in my mind for christmas. Here we are on the bridge at clarke quay, watching people spray foams with a disgusting smell at one another, there are probably,

fathers watching the moment their first child sees the first light
people rushing their work in offices
long lost friends who meet up for the first time in, 10 years?
politicians making the one decision that will affect an entire nation, and his/her own career
rock stars bringing tears to millions of concert goers
someone who takes the last breathe and dies alone
soldiers training in a remote jungle on a remote island, missing loved ones
soldiers fighting in a remote desert in a remote country, desperately keeping his life

No matter who you are, where you are, what you are doing or going through, just remember that it is almost 2010 and we are still here.

so, everything is working out just fine i guess? It's not the end of the world yet!

Jia you bah
( Human population is expected to hit 7 billion by the middle of 2010, viva la vida!)

New (temporary) theme

2009-12-20T14:44:27Z

Hope you have read the message on the sticky post. That's right, I have decided to put in a little effort and change the template specifically for this joyous ocassion.

First of all, many apologies to Chris for leaving the prev post hanging. I have decided to leave all my qualms about NS back in my camp as I step out of it as an NSF for the last time. I guess at some point of time we should all take a step back, heave a sigh of relief and tell ourselves that there are things in this world that just happened to be as such. It is not that we cannot do anything about it but because there are much more complications involved. I've decided to walk out of this 2-year period keeping the good things I've learnt and ignoring the lousy people I've met.

From this point on it'll be a factual account of the things that happened since the last post. Not necessarily exciting but just for the record.

The weekend which I left the service happened to be the Standard Chartered Marathon which I signed up for. I dragged myself through the hours of the race with shouhao and we emerged finishers. To date I have never told anyone about this but when i saw the sign that said "42 km" I felt a bit of moisture in my eyes. It was definitely one of the most torturous moment my legs have ever endured (sorry legs) and the longest run in my entire life too. Something nice that happened was meeting yihui at water point @26 km. It was very coincidental indeed because there were so many water points, so many volunteers (and i wasnt wearing my glasses) but i managed to spot her. In the end I did not take the 100plus that she offered because there was just a 100plus waterpoint a little ahead.

I stayed at home for about a week after which I started working last week. I have made a considerable number of applications and I would say about 20 to 30% reverted back to me since. I am currently working at a gov agency and the work is fairly idiot proof. I would say it is not to challenging judging the pay that is given. I really hope to be given more demanding work though.

Met up with the ops room guys for the farewell lunch as well as the outing that followed. Instead of an outing, it is more like crashing dave's house for mahjong. Alex and I belong to the non-mahjong categorisation of the population so we were naturally ostrasized. Dave's maid bought really nice frozen instant snacks though. Anyways the rest of the night was spent at holland V. We chanced upon this bar where the waitress was trying to drag customers in. Alex, sayhow and roger were totally bought over by her frenliness (and average looks) that they wanted to go in and enjoy their happy hour 1 for 1 beer promotion. I am the only one who resisted such unappealing temptations and said no to the average looking yet frenly girl. We ventured just a little further ahead and realised that there was a much less crowded, cleaner pub where their middle aged male waitress told us that all drinks except cocktails were 1 for 1. I agreed to have a table there and i turned back to see alex waving at the average looking girl signalling that it was not up to him to decided where we were drinking. ( To date I do not understand why they feel so obliged to her, just because she gave that average disappointed look). The rest of the night, as we have agreed, will remain secret for as long as we .... stll drink alcohol.

This week was the first week of my work coupled with a very uneventful weekend. I did take a extended shopping trip which to some people may be the highest form of enjoyment but more of a route march exercise to me. Surprisingly, carrying 30kg of load and shopping with a plastic bag makes me equally tired after a few hours. Anyways, numerous discoveries with regards to fashion but unsuitable for this blog. I spent the day reconfiguring my room today. It has since become more spacious and more mature. Just to sound a bit more masculine, i drilled a couple of holes on the wall and installed some things, half naked. I guess its still not a full fledged 20yearold room but for now it'll suffice. Besides, it is really a lot neater now.

Looking forward to this thursday.
Meanwhile, happy hols everyone!

Jia you bah

What is wrong with conscription?

2009-11-28T17:03:32Z

On many occasions humans have collectively made decisions which, though unwelcomed, led ultimately to a good cause. It is not right to make popular decisions without considerations of the final outcome, one of the many things learnt during my stint in national service. Good decisions may call for certain sacrifices in the process of attaining the higher goal.

Ironically, conscription is a concept never popular with the people of my nation. 40 years of it, yet children still dread it, voters still try to shorten the length of it through democratic means. If it is the right decisions, shouldn't we have become aware of its crucial role and stand by it by now? Or is it still too early to judge? Supporters may suggest that we will appreciate our sacrifices made when the time comes for the services to be activated. However, I see that as a grossly inaccurate and sweeping statement. Here is what's wrong with these 2 years of my life.

(To be continued)

Ten things

2009-11-19T14:04:03Z

If I could send a message 10 years back to my younger self, this is probably what I would say:

1) Please eat healthier food and exercise more. You may think it is not all that important but one day you'll be the one who suffer. It is true that everyone is saying the same thing but it is also true that they are right. You just don't understand yet.

2) Dad can be a little harsh on you when it comes to television time but he meant well. One day you'll find out that the tube isn't that fascinating an object afterall. Dad will be nicer when you grow up, promise.

3) Study hard. People may say that getting good results in school isn't all that matters. They lied. It is true that you do not need to excel in school to excel in life, but being good opens more doors and opportunities. Only people with ability are rewarded with choices.

4) Find something that you like to do and excel in it. It can be musical instruments or sports. Just start early and devote all your energy in it. Anything is fine as long as you don't give up. They may never earn you your bread and butter but you'll make friends and discoveries along the way.

5) Dream about the future, think about what you want to be. As cliche as it sounds, it IS never too early. Life will often keep you occupied and when the time comes for you to make that decision, you'll realise how you should have spent more time considering. Don't forget to dream big.

6) When your parents tell you that there are things which you may not understand. They are lying. Of course you will understand. The real reason is that you will probably not be interested anyways. Moreover, knowing the truth can be daunting at times. They rather you grow up happy and carefree.

7) Possessions are not the most important things in the world, relationships are. Small toys which you have learned to treasure are not worth fighting over. They may be important now but a couple of years later they are worthless. However, friendship is different, it matures and values with time.

8) It is not necessary to envy others for what they have or being who they are. Build on who you are and who you can be. The road ahead of you is long and no one knows what one can achieve. Don't aim to be as cool or as popular because you can aim higher. Be the one who gathers those envy eyes.

9) Keep a diary, the 20-year-old you would like to read about how he used to think. The same 20-year-old is doing this now so that the 30,40,50,60-year-olds can read this someday. Memories are the most valuable things in the world. Humans live a finite amount of time and when that time is up they live in our memories.

10) Please ignore this letter. Life has proven to be as such and there is nothing which could have made it any better for me. You'll grow up fine and healthy, you'll be blessed with family and friends. You may face a couple of setbacks at times but you'll do just fine.

Trust me, I've been through all those.

Where lies the line?

2009-11-18T16:01:17Z

There have been many reports of people who died during a jog or run or marathon in recent years. Whilst none of them comes across as absolutely impossible, there are certain aspects of these case which can be quite incomprehensible. First, most of them are physically fit. Second, most of them have been physically conditioned to withstand the strain caused by the exercise which they were going through. Third, most of them have been able to complete similar exercises on prior ocassions.

The common interpretation for such phenomenon is one of over-exertion, not-knowing-one's-limits, over-confidence, negligence. So in other words, there lies a fine line between pushing one's limits and well, self torture. I wonder where that line is.

This entry is more of a factual account of what i have been doing recently,
As preparation for stanchart, i have been conducting my own conditioning regime.
Since it is quite difficult to measure the distance of roads, I use time as an indication of distance.

I do 40min-1h runs regularly,completed 2-hour-run twice, and a 2.5-hour run.
Common, expected effects: fatigue, muscle ache, muscle cramp, thirst
Other unexpected effects: Loss of appetite, high body temperature, feverish, severe headache, prolonged perspiration and nausea ocassionally

I started long-dist swimming by doing a 10-lap, adding 10 laps in each subsequent swim. When i last swam i did 50
Common, expected effects: fatigue,
Other unexpected effects: dizziness, unbalanced, inability to walk straight immediately after leaving the pool, feeling extra drag on the lower limbs

I will continue this regime and do a 3h, 3.5h and 4h run prior to stanchart. I wonder if I should ignore these symptoms and carry on training. Is it really all in the mind or am I just physically incapable of completing the race at this point of my life?

jia you bah

Procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate

2009-11-04T23:39:25Z

...ahh...i'll finish this entry later...

There is no such thing as elitism

2009-11-01T14:57:02Z

Everyone hates snobbish people. They talk through their noses and laugh at the misfortune of those whom they perceive as lesser beings. Maybe it is not as extreme as my description but unpleasant sentiments towards such snobbish people can be felt in the general public. Take the example of the saga which involved the daughter of an MP who posted an entry condemning the complains of a middle aged, middle class citizen. Both the emotive blog post and the uproar that follows have been rich sources of entertainment ( and of course learning pointers). How is it that the society has breed such a group of people who think that they are so high and mighty? Is it the education system? Or is it just something which every society has to cope with, like racism and other forms of discrimination?

I believe that elitism is a by-product of meritocracy (yes i can hear that you are saying no). It is very simple, meritocracy aims to reward those with true ability and such rewards call for a distinction between those who make the cut from those otherwise. Streaming, gifted education, integrated programme and even school rankings are means of seperating those who are identified to be well....elites. In a developed education system which promote meritocracy, our generation is hence classified into labelled groups. We do not delude ourselves and say that such classifications by no means devalue a person because in a way it does. The press acknowledges it, simple articles about the success story of a student who progressed from a stream-catered-for-the-not-so-able to a major stream reflects the sentiments of our society -- if you belong to a certain group, you may have a bleaker future than the rest. Likewise, the minority who got ahead in the rat race and squeezed into the top streams have many reasons to rejoice. These people are rewarded with better opportunities, more government funds and the best resources the country can offer. That, is the central idea and motive of having groups in meritocracy.

It is in our nature, human nature, to love the idea of belonging to a group. We have our own race, our own religion and our own gender. Being part of a group makes us feel strong, feel belonged and powerful. Sadly, it is also human to have a sense of pride. It is a invisible psychological drug that we feed on. Other than those who are completely devasted about who they are, most of us are pretty much satisfied with ourselves and our environment; we love to believe that we are lucky. We are proud to be a citizen of whichever country, we are proud to belong to whichever religion and we are proud to be a member of whichever arbitrary classifications that ever exist. Pride is not measure upon an objective rule. To feel proud subtly shows a preference over another possibility. For example, I am proud to be a citizen of this country because THAT country has worse living conditions and lower standard of education. To put the idea in context, "I am proud to be a student in A stream/school/programme over B stream/school/programme because my abilities are recognised, in other words, i am smarter'. This is NOT elitism.

As confusing as it may seem, elitism is not reflected in mere comparison or preference. Our society is very bothered by 'elite' students who look down on others such that we do not acknowledge the similar occurences at every social strata. Say in a population there are 20 schools, ranked accordingly. School 1 is 'suffering' from elitism because students in it look down on the rest of the population. Did anyone mention that school 10 is also being elitist because it looks down on school 11 to 20? How about school 19, where students are so glad that they made it to 19 and the really unfortunate people have no choice and drag their feet into school 20? Elitism? Where do we draw the line to that?

Discrimation is inevitable when there is diversity. Pride is a part of human nature which i consider a double edged sword (like confidence). If I have to conjure a reason for the existence of elitism, I would say that it is a term coined by the people jealous of those who had a bigger share of the pie than they have had. The mere impossibility to draw a line as to where elitism ends and general discrimnation begins suggests the inexistence of such an idea. If I do not know how long a meter is, how can i ever say which or if any of the strings I have is over a meter? They are merely this long (raises my hands to illustrate the length), this long and so forth.

I find value in such an explanation because I see myself caught in both sides of elitism (assuming that it exists). I belong to one of the top schools which some of my acquaintances disliked for the array of snobbish students which it produces. On the other hand, I do not belong to a special programme where a top percentile of the students belong to after passing an entrance exam. The programme is notorious for being accused of breeding elitism (if, again, it exists). So why are we so bothered by it? Will it make you any happier if i tell you as long as you do not need to beg on the street for money, you belong to the elites? Will that solve the problem? Or is it more important for us to realise our role in the society and understand how different levels contribute differently? We DO need the smartest and brightest to be leaders in politics, we DO need the cleverest to be our surgeons and doctors. (Yes, those who you complain about for being elitist happens to be your family doctor). We also NEED construction workers, waiters, janitors or any other occupations which require a lower level of education. It just so happens that our society functions that way.

To be honest, if I had to worry, it will definitely be the idea of being mediocre. It will be a disaster if you find yourself average, cluelss, ambition-less yet still thinking that you are so bright and smart that you deserve better. Time to strive harder.

Jia you bah.

Through the looking glass

2009-10-31T17:06:37Z

I read the latest issue of Time magazine today and chanced upon an article which is an excerpt of a book entitled 'Audacity to Win' by Obama's close ally David Plouffe during his campaign. It is very fascinating to read such an account of a protagonist from a close associate's perspective. You do not always see what is going through the protagonist's mind but you are shown the specific and sometimes short encounters and exchanges with him, exemplifying the meaning of the commonly used phrase "less is more".

This is not just the case for David and Barrack, but also other characters (fictitious and real) like Dr Watson and Sherlock, Mitch Albom and Morrie. It is interesting how we sometimes appear much more 'real' when presented by a person whom we are closely related to as compared to ourselves. On the other hand, it is also perfectly logical for a third party to give a most accurate account of ourselves; we can be biased, delusional, egoistic or maybe just oblivious about our own behavior and conduct.

I wonder if it is best for someone to know more about me from myself or a friend.
Which will be actually a more accurate reflection of who i really am?

ps. Audacity to Win appeared, from the chapters i've read, to be a worthy purchase.

Curse

2009-10-22T10:57:44Z

As I boarded the train today, a gentleman smiled at me. I gave him a glance and looked away shortly. Curious as usual, I took notice of him again. It wasn't hard to tell that he was actually smiling at everyone, or rather at whichever direction he looked. The man had a beautiful smile; a warm, sincere smile that seemed to say "how are you feeling today? isn't the weather beautiful?" The wearer of the smile also wore matching shirt and trousers, both blue: they were uniform. My judgment told me that he was too old to be a school student (at least one that still wears uniform) and so I looked at his school badge. It said MINDS, Movement for the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore.

I knew that there was a MINDS school in my neighbourhood because I have seen kids going home from there. I couldn't help but notice their speech and behaviour whenever they board the same public transport as I. Most of them look physically different from a 'normal' person. Some of them have their forehead flat and curved inwards, others have eyes that are protruding, some also have difficulties closing their mouth. Most of them kept quiet, but a few (like any other children, fortunately) did make noise on the bus. Their speech was generally coherent, but there was something subtle that one may observe. The way they talked revealed that they are mildly unintelligent, I cannot cite a specific example but I did feel it.

Today, as I observed that gentleman, I wondered if he, with those inquisitive eyes, observed the rest of us as well. I wondered if he knew he was different, or at least knew that he was treated differently. Speaking on behalf of those of us who do not suffer from the same ailment, we look at them with sympathy sometimes, or for some people indifference. I am curious about how they look at us. Do they hate us for sympathising them? Or do they wish to be treated differently? A thousand other questions surfaced but I could only speculate. However, there is only one thing I am certain of -- they need our help, they need our protection. For someone up there has not been as generous them as to the rest of us. For life is cruel to let some people born with a golden spoon in their mouth, and others with a rusty one.

Help and protection take various forms but they come from normal beings like us. We may not be exceptionally powerful or rich but at least we can make our own choices, take care of ourselves. The fact that some people are not sufficiently capable of keeping themselves alive means that the rest of us should be responsible for them. This responsibility should eve be a obligation, because it is not their decision to be disabled, neither is it ours to be normal. For better or for worse we just happen to be. It is our privilege and our curse.

Someone up there has given most of us many gifts. Some of us are born to be intelligent, some of us are talented in an art and some of us can connect with people and lead. While we feel blessed and grateful to be so special and outstanding, I think it is important to remember our unspoken duty to those otherwise. Because we can understand why they are less fortunate, but they cannot understand why we are more. It is a flawed argument really, but one can hardly deny it. I may not be doing anything that contributes to their well being at the moment but I believe that someday it'll be my turn, actually it'll be everybody's turn at some point of time maybe. If you are reading my blog now, remember that as hard as it may be, we still have to reach out and do our part. Because it is our curse to be healthy and well, our misfortune to be fed, clothed and loved; it is not fair that we are as such.

Jia you bah.

Faith

2009-10-13T15:56:31Z

Disclaimer: The following blog entry may be inaccurate or flawed due to insufficient knowledge. If you have strong religious beliefs and/or can be easily offended, please stop reading now. The author will not bear any responsibilities should you have any unpleasant sentiments after reading this entry.

I have always been a free thinker. Some people consider this group that i belong to indecisive, while others just acknowledge that we are not ready to devote to one. As far as I am concerned, I have been pretty happy as a free thinker. My parents are Buddhists and I have been to Sunday services in a Church so it is not entire accurate to say that I have been underexposed to religion. As of now, I just feel that I am not mature enough to really believe wholeheartedly in something. It is part of being young and hence, being sceptical, or as my former tutor puts it 'questioning intelligence'. The reason for the lack of maturity sprouts from my attittude. It is not difficult, in my opinion, to believe in something. However, at the point of time when a single phenomenon can disprove something which i firmly believed in, things will start to fall apart. I am not mature enough to say "nah, thats all rubbish, i am still right under any circumstances."

I have to say that this idea came to me on the train again. Perhaps my brains are most active in our fabulous underground transport system. Anyways, I have mentioned in the past that i have decided to study law. I'll assume that all goes well and i graduate. I'll also venture to make a further, less definite assumption that i will become a lawyer, pledging myself to perform duties conscientiously to the courts and judiciary. A conflict arises.

Free thinkers, people who advocate free thought, fall under the category of Irreligion. I am not a subject matter expert but Irreligion does cover atheism and agnosticism (together with deism, ignosticism, antireligion etc). As a person who refuses to commit to a certain faith, I am effectively irreligious. This, prima facie, is in conflict with the idea of law. Law, prior to its present form, began as a hard tool which regulates conduct, in accordance with moral values, ethics and justice. Whilst we do seperate religious courts practising relgious law from those otherwise, most, if not all, secular states do adopt the rules of law as an important component of secular governance. We conveniently overlooked the fact that moral values and ethics are essentially products of religious teachings. I understand that i make reference to all religions collectively and that this is a pitfall in my idea. Ignoring that, let's assume that moral values and ethics are products of a single entity called religion. Therefore, upholding law is as good as upholding faith, upholding the teachings. My biggest question, how can a person who doubts the existence of such faith and teachings involves himself/herself in the workings of law? Think of an atheist teaching kids that the almighty is the creator, or a pastor teaching darwin. Am I being too particular about small details or is it true that our modern society does not require or pay attention to such distinctions anymore? I'm curious.

Food for thought.

If i may, daringly, probe further, is it appropriate for me to say that irreligion is just an illusion, a perceived freedom of thoughts? Since I classify law as a result of religion and that I can prove that no one is truly above the law. If we have no absolute freedom in our actions and thoughts (btw religious practices which harm the well-being of society is unlawful) because we are to abide by law, aren't we, as a result, subconsciously forced into adopting faith too?

Its those things I'll think about on long train journeys, again.

2009-09-27T16:41:00Z

Why is it that when we take pictures, we have to smile? Well, it kind of defies the essence of a photograph, which i suppose, is about capturing the most natural moment, without reservation or exaggeration. Many a time we pose for the camera, we look into the lens and we smile. It sounds like a nonsensical question but when i looked through my selection of photos on my iphone, I felt something. It is subtle yet impactful, the kind that prompts a long sigh of realisation.

In retrospect, the smile in the photographs conceals the unfavorable memories generated at that point of time in our lives. You look happy in the photo, your friends and family look happy in the photo; it had been an enjoyable episode as far as the picture tells you. When you lay all your pictures out and look at all of them, you'll likely convince yourself that, well, my life has been pretty good thus far.

We capture the happiness of departure, not the sadness of parting.
We capture the joy of returning home, not the pain endured throughout the trip.
We capture the glamour and smiles on the stage, not the sweat and tears shed behind the curtains.

and so on.

It just occurred to me that, we arent that happy all the time, as much as we really want to be.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I think i'd prefer to be less shy. I just hate those moments when I just fumble because I am afraid of embarrasement or awkward moments. I think i need to learn to be more thick skinned (sorry those who think that my skin is alr thick enough). Regardless, what's the big deal about being embarrased anyways?

The one above will not laugh at us.

jia you bah
say hi to monday blues! =D

Nerd

2009-09-18T15:20:42Z

The thought of running the full marathon in 3 mths time has haunted me time and again.
Hence i desperately need a long-dist-running training program. It doesn't seem too hard to just take a piece of paper and write the date and mileage for the 3 mths but in actual fact

1) Running continuously for more than an hour is extremely boring
2) On a good day I'll probably just clock 10 km within that time
3) After a long run, half the day is usually thrown out the window, provided that you do not feel tired
4) If you do, unfortunately, the other half will wave goodbye too.

Point 3 and 4 can be solved with....a few cans of redbull after the run.
As for point 1 and 2, I gathered my experience observing fellow runners and creative orginal thinking and *eureka*! get a ipod shuffle! (yeap, irony) Ok, fine. But i did come up with something original. After running with my old mp3 players I have realised that, probably because of my basic knowledge of music, my pace will follow that of the tempo of the track. Most rock songs can do a fair job but the problem is I sorta like soft, classical pieces.(Which just dampens the whole mood of running)

*snap fingers* Therefore, I came up with the brilliant idea of listening to LECTURES FROM ITUNES U during my runs! It will work perfectly because I downloaded those which lasts for more than an hour! I have never had the patience to sit infront of the laptop to listen to the entire lecture but if i do it while i run, it'll fit perfectly!

...

yea, what a nerd.

Jia you bah

Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke - Joe Hisaishi

2009-09-08T15:02:37Z

Why is it that Erhu and Violin simply cannot harmonise?

I like this rendition nonetheless.

Changi, Heathrow, Edinburgh

2009-09-06T15:51:14Z

Nope, not me, its wenqi and andrea!

How many times do you get to step across that all so familiar gate at the airport knowing that your entire life is about to change?

While i always get caught up complaining about how my flights to brunei and thai are merely prelude to some grand adventures, i realise that these ppl flying overseas to study have much greater challenges awaiting them. And as i watch them cross the gate named departure, i have this strong urge to walk thru it myself someday, not for 10 or 16 days , but for 3, maybe 4 years. Its a precious opportunity to really throw yourself into the real world and very possibly, grow up.

My best wishes to andrea who will someday become an outstanding doctor in whichever field that she'll specialise in
and of course wen qi who will someday program the next big thing for all our PCs (and Macs)

to dreams!

(edit) and of course maybe the part from heathrow to edin wasnt as seamless as it is supposed to be. LOL! (/edit)

Audacity

2009-09-02T15:20:05Z

Once in a while, i'll dream of myself in the near future.
The dreams are always full of hope, and I like it that way.
Because when i wake up, it just feels as though.... nothing is really impossible...

Down the memory lane on Dunearn rd.

2009-08-31T14:05:33Z

In hc, only the J1s are required to turn up for the teachers day celebration. The j2s are busy preparing their As so they are pretty much excused from the whole event. So, taking into account that at this time last year, i was in ocs, the last time i showed my gratitude to my tutors happened 3 years ago... It's amazing how time really flies but im glad that i took an off today to "repent". After today's experience, i have decided to visit every year, as much as it is possible.

I sticked around because i was a little too early and performances were still ongoing. Visiting the art block, the first person i met was Mr Almeo Tan. The last time he saw was i guess a year and a half ago. Like most ppl who haven seen me in my current not-so-fat state, he was dumbfounded for a moment. I like that look on teachers face, when they first see you, they thought u were someone random and looked away, but a split moment later gave another glance and then stand there with mouth wide open. After seeing Mr Almeo Tan, i met his bro Mr Tan Siangyu. I was glad the whole gang was around so i subsequently met Guo lao shi and Mr Lee. Miss Zheng (the tech asst) still cldnt recognise me but i wished her all the same.

After hanging around a bit in art room I walked back to the college staff room to catch the teachers who were at the audi. The staff room ( which isnt very big to begin with ) was packed with students (and gifts). I had to squeeze my way thru most of the time. I met Mr Wong. I had to emphasis to him that I was only visiting for teachers day because i think he had been rather unhappy about all the application matters i bothered him with. As usual, he adviced me to stay local, i just laughed it off. =X After that i met Dr Wilks! As usual he was busy with his laptop. He asked about my apps and gave that usual encouragement and smile. I am really grateful for all the help i've received from him. I walked down the arc and arrived at ms yang's table. She look really surprised even though i've told her (and only her) that i'll be coming. I also met Mrs Phee (formerly Ms Tan), who told me that she has handed over co tic completely. I always liked Ms Tan as our teacher in charge but i guess everyone has to do something new at some pt of time. ( I tried to look for Ms Wong subsequently but to no avail). Anyways, next on the list was Mr Chua, he cldnt recall my name at first and looked very bothered by it. He took a while to recall zheng and subsquently you, I was really amused by the whole process and its really not hard to be amused by his animated expressions. Anyways Mr Chua won Mr best dress again this year. I think my batch started it. He complained that he was hoping for some fashion vouchers (which sounds reasonable as the prize) but rcv a photoframe istead.

Walked down to the secluded Math department to look for Mrs Chua (formerly Ms Huang), found her in a new tech department instead. For some funny reasons she has been noticing my apps. She shared with me how she really wanted to go overseas to study and tried really hard to convince me to. For some other funny reasons she thot i was on scholarship, and she told mr chua (not a couple) i think, hahaha =X. I walked back upstairs and visited some teachers who i am not as close to. First was the new co teacher Mrs Lee, ( i hope i din get her name wrong). She never taught me before so we din have much to talk about. But i have to say that she is a really nice person (with a really nice smile =X). I walked to Mr Kelvin Tan later, i was worried that he wldnt recog me but to my surprise, he went "s6b" right? what a pleasant surprise! Lastly i walked to Ms Li (i think i din get her name wrong), again i was thinking she may not rmb me, but it din take more than 1 sec for her to say out my name. At some pt of time i really feel rather ashamed to forget some teacher's name. Its like they have so many classes every year and they can rmb me while i have prob the number of teachers that make up abt...1 class? That pretty much sums up the hc visit... i wanted to say hi to Miss Wong, who i din meet, and 2 other teachers from the math department. 1 of them was the tutor for the math revision class, who stayed with us for hours everyday on the month leading to As to mark and answer our math questions one on one, one by one. Her dedication is truly amazing. The other teacher is Miss hwee if im not wrong. i asked her for math consultation because during her revision lec she said anyone cld just go look for her. I think i made things rather awkward for her because i had Mrs chua to ask but i chose to look for her. haha. I also wanted to look for Ms deborah how but i cldnt find her. Last but not least my econs tutor Mrs Lee, who left the school after i graduated.

I was about to walk towards the gate to change my visitor pass and leave when i suddenly felt the urge to visit chinese high. I was worried that after so many years the teachers wldnt rmb me, or maybe most of them have left! In the end i decided to go because if i dun, i'll have to wait another year.

In high school, the first person i met is the teacher i feared the most. Haha Mdm Loke is the kind who can invoke fear in even the most rebellious students. i asked her if she rmbs me and she said "yea of coz i do, but u have to tell me ur name". I told her zhengyou and she replied "zhengyou" right? Mdm Loke is one of the few teachers who pronounce my name correctly. Im quite surprised because only the chinese teachers knew my actual name and Mdm Loke taught me english. I walked around chinese high staff room and realised that almost half of the teachers in the office have in one way or another, taught me before. Most of the teachers have left for lunch so i desperately ran around talking to those still in office. I met Ms Teo mh next. She was my sec2 chinese teacher. My class really gave her a hard time because she was new then. Ms Teo din notice me at first but she took another glance at me because i stood beside her cubicle. After a split moment, she let out a loud "ahhh" and took a step back. Yes, i haven seen her for a loooong time. Before i left her cubicle, she gave some of the nicest wishes i have ever received. Next I met Ms Han Ling hahahahaha Charmaine rather. My former classmate doing relieve teaching at my alma mater! I walked around and realised more teachers have left! I wanted to talk to some of them but they were occupied and now they left! arghh.. I had a short conversation with Mrs Chai (lily) and she had the funniest reactions. She asked about my results, choice of study and place of study and all my answer gave her a shock. She explained that i used to be very different back then and well, somehow i understood wad she meant. She taught me in sec1 and 2 and i was a MSG 3 student back then. I guess in her mind i was always that boy with attitude and grades that needed some improvement haha. The last teacher i talked to at chinese high was Mrs Ooi, sec 4 math teacher. We talked quite a fair bit and it revolved around my choice and place of study, she sounded really happy for me and that made me feel very reassured. Its funny that she brought up the differences between teaching students and raising children of her own, complaining that kids only show their true self at home. ahaha I din stay any longer because by then the office was pretty much empty. There are so many teachers i haven met or talked to. Walking down slope back to college side, i've decided to make another trip next year.

It is quite sad that even though college and high school are so near, they are still 2 vastly different schools essentially. To the outsides who sees the name and campus merge, only a chinese high boy who went to hwachong subsequently can tell u the invisible wall that still exists to this day. i dun think it is justifiable to say that no efforts have been made to integrate the 2 sections but i guess the innate differences are the exact features that make each side so special on their own. Chinese high will always remain the school which inculcates traditional chinese values and raise their students to feel and behave like leaders and Hwa chong will always be the college that is fun, crazy and exciting all day, all year. I believe all the other old boys will agree with me if i say i will like things to remain in the state they're in now. Because no matter how integrated this 6-year edu becomes, The 4 at high school and 2 at college will always represent the different stages of my life, the different stages of growing up.

People will cont to enter and leave the institution. Whilst most of us move on to various places and various careers, i guess its a very hearwarming experience to be able to revisit the places that u've been to, the people who mould you. The world, as we grow up, may never look the same again but the places where we grew up, never seemed to have change one bit.

Where does it lead to?

2009-08-29T11:36:29Z

When i was in JC i always felt that it is not very relevant or practical to 'plan ahead'-- not in the planning-for-revision-timetable way but planning-the-path-you-want-to-take way. Ironically, like the way mugging for a levels struck me at the beginning of J2, i realise that i am at, very possibly, one of the biggest crossroads in my life. Before elaborating the details of the direction signs i see, i must explain my rationale for choosing to be a relatively 'short-sighted' person. As far as i know that there are many negative connotations in that term, my life has been fairly smooth sailing with that mentality.

The advantage of not planning is that you will not be taken aback if things don't go according to plan. Simple logic, if there is no plan, nothing can go wrong because there is nothing supposedly right in the first place. Life can be very simple with this mentality. Causes which you committed to do not form a biggest purpose. For example, I have a plan to become a doctor. Doctors need a MBBS degree, so i have to get into med sch. Med sch requires/prefers students with background in biology and chemistry, so i have to take biology AND chemistry at secondary. To be offered these 2 subjects i need to do really well in the earlier stages of formal edu. Imagine the moment you screwed up 1 exam and you never got to do biology. Your plan collapses completely. An even simpler example, you want to be a policeman but u got urself into trouble and landed urself in jail. However, if you do not have a plan, you are adaptive, open to ideas, available for opportunities, etc. You do not have to worry about not faring well because for all you know your involvement may be completely unrelated to ur future endeavors. However for this to work i have another principle, that is for wadever u choose to do, big or small, do your very best.

I see an issue now, however, because in the nature of things, i have to plan ahead. People question my plan and as ridiculous as this may seem in terms of logic, many employers/interviewers judge you base on your image of yourself 10 years later. In other words, your aspiration, which essentially is just an imagination of ur potential ideal self, determines the opportunities you may receive. I see many friends around me who have their next 10 years planned. There are some who chose a career in the armed forces, they pursue their education before serving a bond in the respective services. There are some who want to be a civil servant, working for 1 of the 3 organs of the republic. There are also some who sees the future in our next generation, learning from teachers and learning to teach. There are even some who decided that they will save people 1 at a time, wearing the white robe and sterilised gloves. I dare not say that all of them have solid plans, but at least in the foggy surrounding there is a visible mud track below the feet (as winding as it may be). Peer pressure is surely a strong metaphysical force if you ask those who picked up certain unhealthy practices, sad to say at this point of my life, i do feel it too.

NS is coming to an end for me and I have to make up my mind about university and of course what comes after. Whilst my previous theory worked in my favour all thru the 2 unstable decades, i do not expect it to do likewise for the upcoming 2. If one day my job interviewer finds it peculiar that i never did anything that proves my interest in the position Im applying to, I'll probably look back and slap myself for not planning ahead ,or at the very least, imagine my not-so-ideal self at a much younger age.

And afterall, knowing how to make back up plans for back up plans seems a whole level higher than knowing how to adapt to the failure of a....well...plan that never really exists.

Jia you bah.

ps. I'm definitely going to study law (thats plan A right there)

Chapter 3: Parade and Ceremony

2009-08-08T14:18:08Z

That is the official term for the segment.
Seems like it is becoming a staple to post something 1 day before the "big event"
To be honest, this is actually one which im least excited about! haha =X

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Read something interest in The Majesty of the Law by Sandra Day O'Connor J

Law, Justice and Freedom will always be in conflict with one another.
However, should any one of them be compromised, none will advance. (Rephrased)

I actually took some time to permutate A-B, A-C, B-A, B-C, C-A, C-B (mind you A-B is not the same as B-A if u think about it)
and i thought, how very insightful!

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I really really want to watch UP! =D

jia you bah.

Last NDP rehearsal

2009-08-06T11:07:21Z

The last rehearsal is finally over!
The next time I step on the stage in number 1, the emcee will not say "arrival of the president.... SIMULATED" anymore!

I wonder if it'll feel weird to have my Saturdays back.
But man thats an awful number of weekeneds burnt for that 38 mins!
(and of coz the hour(?) of city march that follows)

the image of myself paralysed at home on the make-up holiday for national day shld be kinda amusing.

jia you bah

About... my heroes in ops room

2009-07-31T17:26:49Z

Just came back from randall and jason's farewell party. Its acty kinda unfair coz soph and kim organised it so kenneth was conveniently left out. As a matter of fact kenneth is leaving singapore just like randall and jason. Too bad kelly is not in the clique. Im blogging about this coz i'm feeling a bit emo. It has been quite rare for me to feel a lil upset when parting a fren or acquaintance. But i guess this special bunch at HQSA deserves a little mention.

I think its the silence and monotony which i foresee in ops room that affect me the most. Jason and I share similar jobs but other than that most of our work does not overlap. Even for Kenneth, its more of like we-do-each-other-a-favour kind of relationship. However, with that bunch around, laughter is not a rare thing. Spontaneous chats at the duty ASA table never fail to create echoes of laughter along the corridor. Our common attitude towards authority is but another similarity that brings us together. I have never taken 'smoke breaks' ever but it has become a staple before and after lunch; giving us an extra excuse for a longer lunch break.

Things aren't always cool and relaxed because ops room is constantly subjected to quick reaction and remedy. There are times when my upper study does jobs which should have been handed over to me, staying later than he is required to because his understudy is on off. There are times when one of us does something but cant see through it to the end, which forces us to dump it on another to complete the half done job. I havent been the best understudy but I never expected jason to be the best upperstudy either. I liked the way he put it, we are partners in crime. When we enjoy, we do it together, but when theres a need, we'll rise up to the ocassion and cover each other's ass. The balance is a tough concept to grasp, but we somehow managed it.

I never refer to Kenneth as MY spec but he is kinda down the food chain when i need to shoot some arrows. I confidently say that I have kept it to the minimum and tried, attempted to make his life comfortable. Kenneth is the self sacrificial type, interestingly also the complain type simultaneously. I'm quite irritated by his propensity to over-complain but deep down I know he goes beyond what is expected of him just because he knows that no one will do it if he doesnt. This mentality, in my consideration, is highly valued in the organisation we work in. Kenneth's life took a 180 degrees turn when he got attached a few months ago. Torn between sharing his happiness and keeping his privacy, I always try to dig out more than he wants to tell. It came to a point where i just gave up but nonetheless, you know a person feels blessed when you constantly see his blank smiling face staring at the ceiling. Kenneth told me he cant wait for ord but he also doesnt want to ord because the end of army may just mark the end of his relationship.

Randall and I only formally worked together on 2 ocassions. He is funny, sociable yet capable and competent at his work. Very good with his words yet susceptible to our teasing nonetheless. Like Kenneth, he has a soft spot when it comes to relationship. I dun really know soph but I can see the bound between them is strong. To be honest, i'm quite jealous that all 4 ORD personnel are rather lucky when it comes to relationship. Randall's niche lies in organising parties. Be it his birthday or ord celebration, you never have to worry about funding, location, attendence, anything. He gets the right help from the right persons. Fun is really fun with him around. That, will be one of the biggest things that i'll miss.

Gerrard is max's upperstudy and probably the only one staying in singapore after ORD. The lady's man is actually a lady killer in my opinion. The biggest thing in common between max and gerrard is their ability to reject any responsibilities firmly when they have no intentions of taking them up. I am more of the wishy washy kind before I give a weak no at the end of the struggle. Gerrard comes across as the kind of person who offends no one. He doesnt want to do something, but he is nice to you, it just takes away your power to insist. Taking about gerrard's love life is by far the most interesting topic over lunch at block 6.

Im sure after they ORD, i'll probably never talk to them again. it wouldnt take long before memories of them fade and disintegrate into phonebook entires tat vaguely rings a bell but generates no image in the mind. This entry, can remind me a little bit about them and the short 4 months spent together in the stuffy ops and training room. They probably wouldnt read this but maybe if i ever share my blog with max, like he did earlier this week, we can have a small chat at the duty asa table again.

Things will change inevitably. But after jason, gerrard, kenneth, randall and melvin leaves us, there'll still be dave, sayhow, roy, roger, chonghong andy, eugene and max. In a cycle which renews every 4 months, time spent together with the same group of people is incredibly short.

Meanwhile, max and i will just sit in our neighbouring opposite cubicles guarding the ops room.

Doing what every batch does, looking at the big clock beside the door, counting down to the moment when we'll leave for the day, or forever maybe.

=)

Per rerum naturam factum negantis probatio nulla sit.

2009-07-30T14:23:25Z

2 shows left!
1 rehearsal left!
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The latin phrase in the subject title translates to 'By nature of things, he who denies a fact cannot produce any proof'; an explanation to the practice of having the burden of proof on the prosecutor/accuser. One of the many interesting ideas I've come across after reading a little about law.

It is facinating how profound terms in a statute refer to the simplest, most commonplace actions and ideas; yet plain and straighforward phrases can be debated with regards to their meaning and scope. Another idea that i have grasped is this: if you think the solution to a problem seems ridiculous, try imagining the implications if a different method is adopted. You will be surprised to realise that the initial solution is actually the least absurd!

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I'm feeling indifferent.

I think I have lost interest in confiding in this journal. haha I cannot deny that it has been really loyal to me; providing me with memories/references to the past, remaining stable and spacious. There aren't many fanciful features about LJ, which also happens to be its biggest beauty. Honest words and true feelings are worth much more attention than any other features made available on a journal provider.

Anyways that's just a brief explanation ie. distraction for not writing any updates in this entry. I have quite a lot to cover but most of them seem too trite or too.....fluid anyways. No particular good news or bad ones so it'll just be like 'oh, this this this happened'. Like what I always like to say, if you know, you're probably supposed to know, if you don't, it probably doesnt concern you either.

Ok, there is one thing i'd like to say.

if you are reading this now, and you're planning to be in the city this saturday or next sunday to watch the fireworks from marina floating platform. Look out for the parade marching on the road. We are gonna walk more than 3 km just for you to catch a glimpse of us zooming pass. So please be kind enough to pause for a moment from whatever you're doing and admire the men in white and the colours that are flying.

Just, know that I'm inside holding a flag, probably complaining about the distance while feeling really honourable at the same time.

Jia you bah

Obituary

2009-07-07T14:15:07Z

chanced upon this on facebook.
To those of you who read about the recent death of a young officer and wish to know a little more about him, visit:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2028787&id=1257408482#/album.php?aid=2028787&id=1257408482

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Maybe its because he was the only child and had been through OCS, I could somehow empathize with his friend's description of the last few months of his life. The pain of waking up every single morning asking yourself, 'what am i doing here'. The exhilaration of tossing the cap which reveals an uneven tan on the face. The nights staring at the ceiling missing loved ones.

Sad to say, the fact that people are dying because of stupid reasons irks me.

No doubt the system has produced numerous talents and success stories, provided jobs and careers.
But everytime another obituary of a young man appears on the papers, who doesn't feel an ache?

Who's going to give the deceased a job and a career, a family and a success story?

CR3

2009-07-06T08:15:10Z

Last saturday was just like any other normal saturday... ok... have to clarify somethings first,

normal saturday = morning book in to camp to change, grab the flags, take the chartered bus down to marina floating platform/nee soon camp for NDP rehearsals.

Yea, so it was another rehearsal at the platform. Then during the warm up in the morning, a fellow ensign said to me "hey, today my reserve is doing the final run because his girlfriend will be watching the parade"

"oh ok..."

"wait...today got audience?!"

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So we did wad we usually do and formed up at the entrance. Looking at the big eye-shaped screen, we saw the audience seats and most of us instantly went "OMG". There was stage fright no doubt, doubled by the screw up run we had earlier that afternoon.

Let's just say its a surreal experience, we went in, we knew that all the eyes were on us (even the camera, as we can still see the screen while we marched). No doubt it was really exciting. Behind the neat, tidy rows of men in white marching are conversations coming from every direction. Some were directions. others were just plain jokes and oh-my-god-this-is-so-cool remarks.

We did our usual stuff (which has been so thoroughly drilled into us) and i soon reached my position: Middle of the first row on the elevated platform.

'what a view...'

(too bad i cant bring a camera with me to capture it)

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(edit) Sunday night, i've finally decided to sign in to the messenger for a while. Had a chat with Dorea and realised that she watched CR3! hahaha. It feels really good to find out that a good fren had watched something that you're a part of. Well, to anyone and everyone reading this entry, if you're going to watch any of the previews (or the actual thing), please leave a comment =)

Uncomfortable

2009-06-28T16:09:05Z

The past few days have been rather awkward. I wouldnt want to narrate all of them so i'll just leave that to your imagination.

I say that it has been awkward because no only had there been issues between my co workers and I, the volume of my work fluctuates frequently with no prior indications. People are losing their cool at some places and I constantly find myself in a position whereby i need to exert a bit of authority not only to set things right but also to keep myself out of trouble. Having said that, i have been doing risky things a lot recently without considering the possible consequences. The little monster called setback never fails to be summoned at the right moment just to give an extra push (or slap). Whilst I have decided to take a break with respect to certain aspects of my life, there are commitment issues pertaining to the other aspects. I have difficulty answering questions that requires my assurance because i hardly know anything at all. Last but not least i have given up on trying to contact a few certain people but those whom i managed to catch up with turned out to have provided me with some solid reasons to give the day a smile.

I realise that sometimes, we do have to take second place. It is always appropriate for you to put yourself into other's shoe as cheesy as it may sound. Sometimes its best to keep your cool and stay focus on the big idea instead of petty details. However, do not neglect or overlook something just because they doesnt seem like a big matter to you . Whenever you get yourself involved in something, be prepared to commit fully, even though at times multiple things require such commitment. Dun worry about setbacks or humiliation, just be brave, face it, and grow your skin a lil thicker each time. And lastly for friends, it wldnt have been a big issue if those who werent that close inevitably drift away, because those who really mattered has always been around.

I guess the weekend or rather the week's break that i have given to myself has come to an end. It didnt really worked out as a break because all i did was to slack at the times when i would have tried to do something usually. Its spontaneous; like a tea break in a sleepy afternoon. Next week will pose new challenges, and I am slowly beginning to feel the repercussions of doing many things simultaneously. It is my fault entirely; I got myself involved in too many things right after i commissioned because i wanted to be occupied. I overdid it

lead.excel.overcome

It will be quite scary if one day i forget wads in the content of the creed.

Adapting

2009-06-23T12:03:58Z

I wonder if i can justify this is the point of our life when we do the most adjusting and adaptation. For those who entered local universities, it will be the subject and ideas that have never been mentioned in Jc before. For those who flew abroad, i guess the cultural shock makes up the biggest portion of adaptation required. Last but not least for the guys serving NS, its a whole jungle, literally, out there.

The degree at which one is comfortable with changes varies. Some just blends in whenever he/she goes, while others stand out for their different practise and beliefs. ie When you are an member of the minority group in a place, you either change your ways of life or you just stick to those who belongs to the same group. I can go on and on about how in the army you really have to just BECOME part of the system but i guess thats not the toughest i've seen. Personally, i find the need to adapt to growing up poses the biggest challenge. It is interesting how such a difficult task is one which every single person has to face.

At the age of 20, I am currently at the grey area between a youth and an adult. Under Singapore law you will be treated as a minor if you are below 18 years old. Which means that for the crimes you commit, you'll not be captially punished, neither will you be jailed. It seems to spread the message that one is not sufficiently old (and mature) enough to consider the consequences and bear the responsibilities of his own doings. This is a common argument: what makes us believe that the moment after this person celebrates his 18th birthday he is ready to do so. This reminds me of another point (which i am not very certain on its application to this). A man who has commited a crime (punishable by caning) while he was about to hit the maximum age permitted to be caned. He was convicted and sentenced after he crossed that mark and subsequently excused from the corporal punishment. The rationale behind this is simple and straight forward; the main concern and reason behind having a maximum age is health issues. Therefore it wouldnt matter at what age the person has committed the crime because once he is unfit for such punishment, it is absolute. It is the age at which the punishment is administered that truly mattered. Having said that, the responsibility that should be bestowed upon a youth should depend on whether he has reached that level of maturity instead whether he blewed his 18 candles, shouldnt it?

The problem with this is there is no way to find out. Psychology, maybe. I find myself at times forcing an adult persona and mentality into myself because all adult-matters that seemed so distant when we were young have already come knocking at our doors now. First, there are the decisions we have to make. There isnt anyone to tell you what is right and what is wrong because obviously there is no clear cut answer. On the contrary if someone claims that he is able to do so, you may have all the reason the doubt the credibility and reliability of his advice. Simple yet crucial matter: choice of university subject. When i just graduated, the sub prime market is still doing well and Lehman brothers have yet to burn a hole in everyone's pocket. The economy is doing well and lots of people are getting scholarships, fighting for places to do business and economics in uni. A year later,news of fresh business/econs grads having difficulties finding jobs flooded the home section. The economy showed signs of recovery but im sure confidence level among students arent as high as they used to be

Second, there are expectations we have to meet. Being an adult automatically requires a certain set of fundamental knowledge that wasnt essential back in school. It covers a wide spectrum of topics ranging from writing letters to understanding CPF. One is also expected to behave like an adult, and is treated like one. I find that a huge issue at my workplace. I am required to communicate effectively (that is, with respect, but getting the message across) with people who are many years my senior as well as peers. I always find it very challenging to find the balance between over exerting the authorities you're given and appearing too polite that you look fearful and uncertain. It leaves lasting impressions on people and sometimes (most of the time) such impressions can be inaccurate. The phenomenon that people spread things about others in office tends to aggravate such matters as well.

Third and lastly, there are examples that we have to set. Many a times i see irresponsible and inconsiderate people in our society. The urge to tell them off is huge. For example, people who sit in the middle of narrow passages in the library reading newspaper (with the paper on the floor) while having their shoes placed beside them; people who walks out of a restaurant to smoke and stands beside tables of those dining outdoors; people who smoke in air conditioned bus terminals. I really want to take pictures of these people and report to the authorities but i never did, i either gave them a chance or told them off in the face. I have been rather lucky because no one has turn violent or vulgar on me yet (maybe because i choose to be polite as well). This attitude of mine imposes certain expectations of myself. When i do something, i tend to be very self aware. I will take sometime to consider whether someone will find my action unbecoming or whether my action will bring inconvenience to others. Indirectly, i feel that such actions have a prominent effect on teenagers. Teenagers (those who are maybe 5-8 years younger than me) will not look at the elderlies for example because they are simply to old; they will look up to people who are within their age range yet sufficiently older. It is not a conscious effort I believe but I have confidence in saying that there is some truth in it. Take for example dining in a fast food restaurant, i always believed that it is such a simple task to clear the tray and there is absolutely no need for a temp there to do the job. However when I was much younger i did not think so. In school canteen we all have to clear our own plates because we were told to do so and our teachers do it as well. In the fast food restaurant, everyone (adults) will just leave their trays there for the waitress/waiter (i wonder if they are even called waitress/waiters) to clear. It never even occurred to me why it is so. Even our PM agrees to this when he commented that all NSmen knows how to clear their plates in the cookhouse but no one does it in hawker centers.

I recall the times when i was young and how i could not wait for time to pass so that i could be an adult. Being an adult seemed to be associated to numerous privileges like buying your own toys and crossing the road on your own. Ironically, at this very moment of our lives when we are really taking that step towards becoming an adult, I sense a significant amount of hesitation and an equally significant lack of self confidence. Before I hit the culturally-recognised mark of 21 years, I'll probably need to learn to transfer all that jungle-and-army-adapting skills to those that teaches one how to adapt to growing up.

Jia you bah.